His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
