I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
