I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
