I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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