Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
