billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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