trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
