Screwed.edu
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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