my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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