that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
