He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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