do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
