so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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