i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Still dying that you shit outside
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
