mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
