wrigley field is MILF paradise
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
