he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
