I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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