weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
