All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
