How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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