I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
