I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
