p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
