dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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