i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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