Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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