I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
