I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
