I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I CAN MOONWALK!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
