let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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