I got chris browned last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
