I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
