Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
