She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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