I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
