did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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