i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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