Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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