New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
