we have pet lesbian snakes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
