The best revenge is premature balding
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
