atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
