You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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