A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
