You're my little dorito
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
