Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
