so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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