ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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