I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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